WHAT IF THEY REALLY SAID THAT?!?: Dialogue Fun with Art…i was bored


Okay, as a serious visual artist, I have the UTMOST  respect for the complexities, beauty, history, teachings of art. But just so I can lighten up, I poke fun at it sometimes. Just being human and my ole goofy self. Have you ever wondered what the subjects within a piece of art could really be conveying? What if the dialogue (or monologue for one subject…….is there trialogue and multilogue????) was totally NOT what they were thinking or saying, but it would be funny if that were the case? Below, I offer my ideas. Have fun!!

Laocoon by Agesander, Athenodoros & Polydoros. 25 BC.

Laocoon’s son (both are his, but the one at right): Dad, why’d you have to go and piss Athena off? The Trojan horse did NOT have to be set on fire to convince ANYbodyof ANYthing!! This SUCKS!

Laocoon: This really does suck!

Son at left: Ow.

The Scream by Edvard Munch. 1893. NOTE: Did you know that there is more than one by this Norwegian artist? This is one of a series of paintings and prints. In Norwegian, Scream is “Skrik”.

(The Scream has been stolen more than once.)

Guy: Would people PLEASE stop friggin STEALING me???? AAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

Young Man Among Roses by Nicholas Hilliard. 1588.

Dapper dandy (probably the Earl of Essex): Ladies!! Ladieees (in a sexier tone)…don’t my tights just turn you on? Let’s get wanton.”

Guiseppe Baretti by Joshua Reynolds. 1773. Note: Baretti was an Italian-born English literary critic and author of two influential language-translation dictionaries. (info courtesy of Wikipedia)

Baretti: Oh dear……..glasses. They’ve been around for quite some time, now. I really must get used to this concept of remembering they exist. My eyes are kill-ing me. Wretch.

The Birth of Venus (La nascita di Venere) by Sandro Botticelli. 1486.

The guy blowing: Look, she’s pretty and all, but it’s not worth all THIS! Her on that shell are heavy as HELL! I might be a demi-god or whatever, but I don’t have the lungs for this crap!

Venus: This is a weird way to be born…but hey…I get all this supernatural first class service! Being a myth is awesome.

Well, those are my humorous musings for now. I may do another, later. Or add to this one! I hope you liked it! I hope any die-hard serious art-types don’t punch me for visual arts blasphemy… 

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Economically, is This a Good/Smart Time to Sell Art?


WHATWHYWHENHOW: Artwork Analysis 6


“grimy self portrait”, charcoal, 2010.

Another in a series of analyses on my art. This one is that requisite artist’s show of silent narcissism…the self-portrait.

Feel free to comment with questions you may still have.

grimy self portrait

WHAT: It’s me. Really, that is all I need to say, here. It’s me in one of those artist silently and serenely posing in order to render a silent and serene portrait. It’s me looking all artist-like. But I actually AM an artist…not like one. AND that’s me. Up there. In that square…I mean, rectangle. I did that. That’s me.

WHY: Why? Why do artists create artworks featuring themselves? That would be a good way to put it, too. Lots of artists create self-portraits to try their hand at drawing, painting, etc. themselves. Lots of artists render themselves to leave visual evidence of their artistic existance. Lots of artists create portraits of themselves because they figure if they can draw houses, OTHER people, grass, animals, squares n circles, why not draw their own dang self? Lots of artists render themselves so that they can look at it and be like, “I look so cool! Much cooler than I do in life!” Imagine Albrecht Durer, for example, looking at his self-portrait (below) & in 1498 saying in modern American English slang, “@%**%!! I look AWESOME! Germany, give it up for ya boy! My a** can PAINT!”

Self portrait. Oil on canvas. Albrecht Durer. 1497 (some say 1498). He was only 26 when he painted this.

MY reason, however, for doing my self-portrait was one of the reasons above actually. I wanted to do a cool drawing of myself. I wanted to do a cool portrait of myself with nice, dynamic black charcoal. If you have never tried charcoal (whether you’re an artist or not) TRY it. It is like black gold it’s so RICH! It is a dramatic medium. I also did the portrait because I like to add to my portfolio and also to continue creating or else I could risk falling off the artist boat and watch my desire for it or practice of it float away and crash down a sad waterfall. wow…

WHEN: I created this last year. 2010. The year I had a new spurt to draw! I need to steal last year’s urge to hit the pencil n paper and drag it to this year. Like a productive rollover.

HOW: Charcoal was utilized for this piece. Also a bit of graphite (pencil). I used graphite mainly for layout work (like a framework, scaffolding on paper if you will) and some finer details. Then I went nuts with the charcoal. This psycho burst of energy especially evidenced where my fingerprint spots are involved. I didn’t want to do the rest of the figure in completion. I wanted to fade it off (as in my Obama also on this site) for a funky effect and because if I continued it with my shoulders and a partial chest, it would probably not look as great with such a straight, realistic & boring look. In my art, I like to mix it up. I am a Sagittarius and those horoscopes say we get bored quick. Horoscopes I do not follow, but this is an interesting truth with me. I enjoyed creating this portrait, which is why I finished it so quickly. Unless it has a deadline, if I am bored to my skull with a piece it will get done when “The Bad Girls Club” chics develop a habit of wearing more clothes. And since that will never happen…

Thank you for reading my NEW POST! Be sure to check out caloniedoesart often!

view more art at: http://paintingsilove.com/artist/caloniejohnson THANKS!

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THE BIG CHANCE & SMALL JITTERS II: my job interview result…thus far…


What I have DEFINITELY been doing…

Well, everyone, my interview at the design agency has come and gone and I am counting on Godly intervention!

It rained the day (two days past, already) that I went, but that did not dampen (poetically-charged pun intended) my determination. I HAD to get this job! I was 10 minutes early which is ideal…to be early. The night before, I actually had a nightmare that I was late for the interview. What the heck!?! One of those “ironcally bad-timing” things. Like the time my boyfriend and I JUST came off a cruise and the very next day we saw the movie “2012”…you know, the one with the sinking CRUISE SHIP scene? Or like, on the SAME cruise, this woman was actually playing, on the piano,  the theme from “Titanic”???

Ironically bad timing.

But the “ironically bad timing” nightmare had no effect as, like I said, I was beyond on time. I half waltzed (my confident side)/half slow-walked (my trying to stay calm side) my way into the building and smiled at the receptionist like an old buddy. Hey! I’m friendly and wanted to make sure to convey that to anybody there! I sat and waited for awhile, watching, on a flat panel tv, a neat video demo of the company’s purpose. Then, it was time…

Unlike the Titanic, the interview didn’t hit a virtual iceberg and sink. It actually was a positive interview and moved along smoothly. I tried to listen and speak as naturally and confident as possible. She, the owner, explained the business and position, then asked to be shown printed samples of my graphic work. I explained each piece and a bit about my process. She asked me some questions of myself and I asked a list of questions I had. It wasn’t a loooong, long-winded list. It was reasonable. So I wouldn’t come off as a psycho-paranoid-crossing every “T” interrogator.

Really, everything went well, until the middle of it when my throat caught an itch…. Now, I am getting over a cold that never quite formed (as in no runny nose, nasty poppin’-ilk-cough or lazy a**ness wooziness to go along with my scratchy throat). This semi-cold has been fading away in aggravatingly gradual stages. Earlier, in the week, I sounded like an extremely scratchy-voiced Jewish mom who lives in New York and yells at the kids all day. That fell off and I sounded like a scratched, everyfewseconds skipping CD…every few syllables or word skipping as I tried to speak. Ugh. The day of the interview, I sounded a bit better, but still with the scratchy throat. No matter HOW much Cold Buster spray, cough drops or whatever I took all week! Bleepin’ bleep bleepity BLEEP!!

So, the middle of the interview, I get a BAD BAD itch in my throat. I felt it and even as I tried to keep my composure before this professional, interviewingmeforagreatjob lady, on the inside my mind was screaming, “NOOOOO!” and cursing profusely and “Why now?” I am convinced, and I’m serious, that Satan was trying to mess up my chance. He likes to screw stuff up. Anyway, I ran to the bathroom after excusing myself with as much calmness as a choking – up person can. I coughed in that restroom like I was on my deathbed.

Anyway, the remainder of the interview was just swell. Satan lost…again. More points for the Lord! I was told to email some of my illustration/drawing works and told I would be informed in a couple weeks. Until that decision, I feel like the image below, right now…

Hopefuly, this will be replaced with a big fat smiley face!

…but not in a disheartened way. Nervous, but NOT disheartened. I am just continually praying for the best. God brought me to this point and I pray He bring me the rest of the way to a decision (her decision) that I have been waiting on from someone for a long time, now.

All I want is to utilize my skills full-blown (not just on the side).

All I want is more experience.

All I want is to be psyched about going to work!

All I want is to make a better living.

All I want is a chance.

(psssst…If you are in the design business, if you have a company or you’re an individual and you need design work, a logo for ex., contact me: calonie.ct@gmail.com!)

My artwork: http://paintingsilove.com/artist/caloniejohnson

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THE BIG CHANCE & SMALL JITTERS: my job interview


Yes, as the title says, I have an interview…TODAY! In just a few hours…

It’s not just ANY old interview for a job, it’s an interview within marketing. An interview that will require me to show some of my graphic design and art works in a portfolio. I have waited a loooooooooooong time to get a chance like this. To work in a job that is actually my field instead of “other” in order to have money in my pockets. Not to mention positions like this make more Mr. Green!

The closest I’ve ever come to utilizing my degree (a Bachelor’s in Studio Art, cum laude) was a job directing activities (which included crafts) for seniors, tutoring art at a library I worked at and, of course, creating and selling art in the side for patrons since second year of high school. My art on the side business has helped me stay connected to art so that I don’t lose touch AND so I don’t lose my friggin mind living in an ultra small, barely gettin by town where people are more interested in paying their bills, food (both understandable), buying clothes, detailing their cars and nails AND hair than in buying art (these 3 more trivial)…unless they can get it for near free. Which does not help ME a whole lot. I’m thankful for the business I have gotten over time and other connections with out-of-towners, but I know I have to move on and have a real CAREER.

So, I had some enlightenment, recently. I won’t go into detail, but the emotional and mental epiphany told me I needed to step up my job search! Or live a life, in one area (career), being miserable and regretful. So out of a huge cavalcade of jobs I applied to online using TWO methods (jobsearch sites like Careerbuilder & Simplyhired, for ex. & a more direct, phone-calling approach which seemed to get more responses than the jobsearch sites), I got two postive responses. One was a design agency that pays you through the clients you acquire and design stuff for (the agency prints the work, you get paid…I can still do that one, too) and the other was this opportunity.

So, now, with a portfolio at the ready, I am ready to see how this turns out. I don’t know what’ll happen. Maybe I will get the job, maybe I won’t, but I can thank God and be proud I got this close & not give up. If I GET the job, it will be a fresh and prayerfuly happier start!

HOPE (not “luck” because that is only chance) me the best! Thanks!!

(psssst…If you are in the design business or you have a company you need design work for, a logo for ex., contact me: calonie.ct@gmail.com!)

My artwork: http://paintingsilove.com/artist/caloniejohnson

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HAUTE COUTURE DEATH & QUIRKY PICASSOS: a day at (MOCA) The Museum of Contemporary Art-Jacksonville


My trip to Jacksonville, Florida’s The Museum of Contemporary Art late July 2011 was my first museum trip in a while, admittedly, and so was a welcome and warm reminder of the fascination that museums & their priceless (well, priceless AND price-y to be honest…I can’t afford a Picasso, but I’d LOVE to) hold for visitors. Here, I have some highlights of that visit.

(MOCA) The Museum of Contemporary Art-Jacksonville

  • This is the front of the facility. It is a handsome piece of modern art, itself reflecting the contemporary (or from our time) works inside. As we walked up to the building, I felt this was my best & only time for a good shot of the exterior, as my boyfriend was in the beginning stages of being eye-rollingly annoyed with my disease: photo-itis. Seems like no matter what your main interest is in (painting, drawing, graphics), an artist will ALWAYS suffer from this illness…

The atrium featuring the works of Melanie Pullen. My boyfriend checkin it all out…

When we made it inside, the second thing we took notice of (the first thing was the welcome desk where I picked up brochures like a brochure thief) was the star of the museum show: “Project Atrium: Melanie Pullen”, featuring many pieces from he “High Fashion Crime Scenes” series.  Appropriately placed in an atrium, these massive and impressive (the impressiveness heightened by the scale of the space it occupies) photographs are, I read, inspired by vintage Los Angeles crime photos. Creeeeepyyyy…I like! Pullen adds a dash of further interest by having had the models be their dead best in fashionable shoes and clothing. I am going to make sure I meet my end in a pair of Christian Louboutins.

What is also awesome about these photographs is the bare simplicity of them. No frills. Just straight-forward photography, but with a staging Vermeer would probably be proud of: the off-centered focusing, angled shots. Just very cool. The coloring & lighting in each is masterful & admirable. If you do not mind the “dead”-ness of it, very hip exhibit.

A closer look.

Another on a landing’s wall.

These photos, I believe, aren’t glorifying crime scenes, but the visuals of the photos inspired the artist to produce unique visuals of her own. Art is a capturer.

The Melanie Pullen exhibit runs from July 16 to November 6th, 2011.

The installation at home in the UNF Gallery.

A closer look at the same area.

  • I know what you’re thinking staring at the two images above. “Those outfits are toooo cute.” No, okay, you are reeeaaally thinking, “What the hell is that? Doll-icide?” This may be an odd installation (an installation being artwork created using the space it occupies), but it kind of drew my senses in as I pondered it. What, besides the obvious (dolls) was it? WHY was it?

First of, the exhibit is titled “What a Doll: The Human Object as Toy”, art by Christina West. It is in the UNF Gallery of the museum. As installations’ purpose is to occupy its space, I gingerly walked through it, taking care NOT to accidentally move anything with a misplaced step, and wondered at what I was looking at. The dolls, themselves, are charmingly modeled (with grimacing faces) and positioned in various, isolated or piled-on ways. I liked the exhibit for being fresh & modern. My boyfriend just thought it was weird & didn’t stay long, but I, being an artist, really sought to figure all this out. I knew it had to be psychologically-based and when I read the exhibit statement on the wall, I saw I’d gotten that part right.  From what I remember reading, the dolls are subtly displaying thoughts and feelings we all have, but that others do not see/know. Everyone is only but so exposed, the rest of us is a mystery.

The Christina West exhibit runs from May 19th to August 28th, 2011.

“America Whistles”. Lithograph. 1976. Edward Ruscha.

If you are an artist or even not one, you may have heard of the pop artist Edward Ruscha (pronounced roo-shay & born 1937-still livin’). I heard of him and that is why when I saw this piece, as part of a text as art exhibit around the corner from West’s doll installation, I pretended to faint. I wanted to faint, but I wasn’t going to, really. So I figured pretending was just as well. EDWARD RUSCHA!! Wow! And for this to be a piece from 1976, it very much fots the super modern, minimalistic approach art is taking, right now. What appears to be little specks on the paper are actually colored song notes.

“My Garden”. Lead intaglio. 1971. Louise Nevelson.

I’ve admired Louise Nevelson (1900-1988) since learnin of her in my early college years. Her deeply geometric and complex abstract sculptures, usually of wood, entranced my mind! How could such simple shapes become mazes of wonder?? Above is ot one of her magnificent wood pieces, but a magnificent piece all the same. So happy I happened upon this one & the intricate embossments worked into it.

At this point, my incessant stopping/picture-taking made my boyfriend disappear to look at other things. Oh, well! I caught up, later.

Imaginary Portrait. Lithograph on paper. 1969. Pablo Picasso.

  • Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)…what else is there to say besides that enigmatic, hypnotic name? These works are apart of the museum’s “Pablo Picasso: The Imaginary Portrait Series”. The museum has a great showing of them, but these aren’t NEARLY all the works in that series.

When I saw the space with his work, it was akin to anticipating meeting a rockstar! Picasso, along with many other artists, is to artists what Oprah is to alot of women-an idol. To view, in front of your face, the result of the colors he chose and the way he wielded his tools…WOW!! *sigh*

Me oggling the Picassos.

More pleasantly off-guard works in the series.

I really enjoyed these quirky, cubist pieces. Art is an escape!

A close-up of a piece with a date in his hand!!

Apparently, Picasso created this humongous series in just 1969. Look at that, above!! His very own writing! I know I sound wacky, but that is apart of the territory…besides this IS Picasso!!

“Phenomena Alchemist”. Acrylic on canvas. 1983. Paul Jenkins.

  • This was another cool work I happened upon. I thought it was oil, it’s so rich and vibrant, but it’s acrylic!

Paul Jenkins (1923-still alive, ya’ll) is an American abstract expressionist whom I might have to become a fan of right now

“Heaven is Worth it All (5004)”. Enamel on paper. 1985. Reverend Howard Finster.

  • This is yet another great exhibit in this impressive museum. “Stranger in Paradise: The Works of Reverend Howard Finster”. At first glance (literally), I thought I was partaking in some fantastical artworks with creatures of myth, then on closer inspection I realized I was looking at the complete opposite – religious works. And boy, is it sublime! Or, rather in this case, divine! Well, both. There was bluegrass music playing to accompany the exhibit and also a television playing his appearance on an episode of Johnny Carson!

He called (past tense, yes, as he passed in 2001) himself a “Man of Visions”, visually setting down his prophecies. And he did! Not only objectively (buildings, figures, etc.), but also in the text-filled with divine inspiration-lacing the work. It makes you listen. Whether you understand or agree with all of these words or not, it reminds you that God should be reverenced.

Detail of “The Crowded World (Ten Thousandth Piece) (10000)”. 1989. Reverend Howard Finster.

Detail of the same piece as above.

The Reverend Howard Finster exhibit runs from April 22nd to August 28th, 2011.

Before leaving the museum, the security guard that had been very quietly monitoring everyone and was conveniently on every floor I went to calmly walked over to me and informed me that visitors were not allowed to take photos of the work. Something my boyfriend hinted at before we progressed into the museum, but I denied his warning for my stronger need to capture & also convinced it would be no big deal! So I stopped…conveniently so, since the exhibit I have ended this article with were the LAST photos I’d taken, anyway, so I was not mad. Plus, he was just doing his job. Plus he was polite. Some museums allow photography, but I suppose alot don’t, thanks to more smarmy people whom infringe and “steal” images. The bad makin’ it bad for the good. One of those things. As you can see, no stealing, here. I look forward to crediting all work while sharing it.

I very much hope you enjoyed this post. Why not enjoy it even more by visiting this first class museum? You will definitely not regret it.

Just don’t bother bringing in a camera…unless you wanna be the hunted…

The Museum: http://www.mocajacksonville.org/

Melanie Pullen, Official Site: http://melaniepullen.com/

Christina West, Official Site: http://cwestsculpture.com/

Reverend Howard Finster, Official Site: http://www.finster.com/

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