WHAT IF THEY REALLY SAID THAT?!?: Dialogue Fun with Art…i was bored PART TWO!!

Hi, guys; precious blog readers! This is my 1st REAL content post in a while… I decided to write-er-type another part to “What if They Really Said That!?!: Dialogue Fun With Art…i was bored”. You can find that installment in my posts as well. Apparently, readers liked it so much and I had so much fun with that one, I asked myself: Why not do another?? So, here goes another set of great artworks captioned with what I think they mighta said or thought… (EXTREMELY serious artists and art critics need not read this, thou shalt be HIGHLY peeved)

Arrangement in Grey and Black or Whistler’s Mother by James McNeill Whistler, 1871.

Whistler’s Mom, Anna:  (thinking this in her head) “I love my son. I really do. He is a LOVELY artist! But really? REALLY?? My butt is killing me sitting here so freakin long. Day in and day out. UGH. Artists. No fathomable sense of time. When I get up, my tookus is gonna be numb.

Mona Lisa by Leonardo daVinci, 1503-1507. NOTE: daVinci was commissioned to paint her by Francesco di Bartolommeo di Zanobi del Giocondo (Mona’s husband & long name guy). He worked on the painting 4 years, but never gave it to Giocondo. She may have been 24 in this portrait.

Mona Lisa: “Hehehehe… Nearly 510 years and I am STILL befuddling the crap out of people and exquisitely creeping them out with my……gaaaaaze. Even Leonardo had trouble parting ways with me.  Never gave me to my husband.  I LOVE being a highly venerated legend! Certified HOTNESS.”

American Gothic by Grant Wood, 1930. NOTE: The woman is Wood’s sister, Anne & the cameo she wears has a portrait of their mother, Hattie, in it. The man whom posed is Wood’s dentist Byron McKeeby. They posed as father & daughter.

Woman: (thinking this in her head) “Everyday that I look upon him, I am reminded he is straighter than the pitchfork and the boards on the house. BOOOOOR-IIIING!! Even his smile is straight.”

Man: (also in his head) “How long have we been standing here?”

The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali, 1931.

Guy face laying on the ground: “He is a genius, but sometimes…….I wonder about Salvador and his cognitive state. Like why the hell do I look like this, laying on a ground with a limp clock on me? Homeboy needs to ease up on these dreams!!”

The Flower Carrier by Diego Rivera, 1935.

Guy: “Um, seriously…you are NOT helping me. I know you’re trying to help me up or whatever, but….no. Está bien (it’s okay). I am being crushed by an unreasonably-sized basket of flowers. My manhood dies today!

Woman: (in her mind) “Pobrecito (poor guy). No longer a man.”

The Arnolfini Portrait or The Arnolfini Marraige by Jan van Eyck, 1434. NOTE: Eyck achieved “an almost reflective surface by applying layer after layer of translucent thin glazes. The intense glowing colours also help to highlight the realism, and to show the material wealth and opulence of Arnolfini’s world.”-wikipedia.org

Woman (maybe named Jeanne): “Ah, Giovanni, I am so happy that we’ve surpassed our betrothal and attained the glorious heights of marital union. What bliss!

Giovanni: “Yes, love; my sweet pomegranate! But this is our wedding day! Getting all those layers of gown outta the way is going to be half the battle. I think you wore that to torture me!”

Dog: (in his canine mind) “Good luck with that, bro.”

I hope everyone enjoyed this 2nd installment of “What if They Really Said That?!?” I will do another. Making the humorists happy and the over-serious artists and art connoisseurs mega annoyed!!

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