WHAT IF THEY REALLY SAID THAT?!? Dialogue Fun with Art…i was bored PART THREE!!

Hello, everyone! Hoping you are all doing well, today, and that you are enduring the remainder of Winter. Spring is almost here; we’re almost there! Soon it will be warm, more flowers will be out, more birds will be flying about, more beach-time will be had and more badly dressed people will be showing too much skin at Walmart. Yay!

Today I have a post on a subject I have not done in a while. It shows a series of artworks and, with captions, I imagine what the subjects could be thinking or saying. It’s something I do just for fun! In the past, I’ve written two earlier posts with the same idea, but using different artworks. 

I admire & respect all of these artists and their artworks, which are dynamic in their own unique ways, yet I like to be humorous about these works…and can do so without being offensive! I hope you enjoy this new post.

A Bar at the Folies-Bergère by Édouard Manet, 1882. 

Bartender silently thinking to herself: “I’m really not in the mood to hear any drunk sob stories, today. I don’t want to hear about all the artists you’ve chilled out with. I don’t want to hear about the time your carriage wrecked. I don’t want to hear about that time you were so inebriated that you climbed up the Arc de Triomphe and you don’t know how the hell you even got up there. Just drink down your absinthe and refrain from talking!”

Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear by Vincent van Gogh, 1889.
Vincent thinking: “Yeah……I really hate that Paul Gaugin guy, but I probably should have paid better attention to my razor-wielding skills. Yup. Messed myself up this time. Good thing I don’t need my ear to paint…I’d be so screwed.”

(Van Gogh used a mirror in painting this, so it is his LEFT ear that’s bandaged, not the right. Read more details by clicking HERE.)

Flaming June by Frederic Leighton, 1895. 

Most uncomfortable sleeping position in the history of people having sleeping positions​.

The Kiss by Gustave Klimt, 1907-1908.

The most uncomfortable kissing position in the history of people kissing.

Campbell’s Soup Cans by Andy Warhol, 1962.

Campbell’s Soup Company says to itself: “Andy Warhol painted our products! We are the COOLEST freakin’ soup on the entire planet.”

Liked this post? Read the first two installments by clicking HERE and HEREThanks!

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WHAT IF THEY REALLY SAID THAT?!?: Dialogue Fun with Art…i was bored PART TWO!!

Hi, guys; precious blog readers! This is my 1st REAL content post in a while… I decided to write-er-type another part to “What if They Really Said That!?!: Dialogue Fun With Art…i was bored”. You can find that installment in my posts as well. Apparently, readers liked it so much and I had so much fun with that one, I asked myself: Why not do another?? So, here goes another set of great artworks captioned with what I think they mighta said or thought… (EXTREMELY serious artists and art critics need not read this, thou shalt be HIGHLY peeved)

Arrangement in Grey and Black or Whistler’s Mother by James McNeill Whistler, 1871.

Whistler’s Mom, Anna:  (thinking this in her head) “I love my son. I really do. He is a LOVELY artist! But really? REALLY?? My butt is killing me sitting here so freakin long. Day in and day out. UGH. Artists. No fathomable sense of time. When I get up, my tookus is gonna be numb.

Mona Lisa by Leonardo daVinci, 1503-1507. NOTE: daVinci was commissioned to paint her by Francesco di Bartolommeo di Zanobi del Giocondo (Mona’s husband & long name guy). He worked on the painting 4 years, but never gave it to Giocondo. She may have been 24 in this portrait.

Mona Lisa: “Hehehehe… Nearly 510 years and I am STILL befuddling the crap out of people and exquisitely creeping them out with my……gaaaaaze. Even Leonardo had trouble parting ways with me.  Never gave me to my husband.  I LOVE being a highly venerated legend! Certified HOTNESS.”

American Gothic by Grant Wood, 1930. NOTE: The woman is Wood’s sister, Anne & the cameo she wears has a portrait of their mother, Hattie, in it. The man whom posed is Wood’s dentist Byron McKeeby. They posed as father & daughter.

Woman: (thinking this in her head) “Everyday that I look upon him, I am reminded he is straighter than the pitchfork and the boards on the house. BOOOOOR-IIIING!! Even his smile is straight.”

Man: (also in his head) “How long have we been standing here?”

The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali, 1931.

Guy face laying on the ground: “He is a genius, but sometimes…….I wonder about Salvador and his cognitive state. Like why the hell do I look like this, laying on a ground with a limp clock on me? Homeboy needs to ease up on these dreams!!”

The Flower Carrier by Diego Rivera, 1935.

Guy: “Um, seriously…you are NOT helping me. I know you’re trying to help me up or whatever, but….no. Está bien (it’s okay). I am being crushed by an unreasonably-sized basket of flowers. My manhood dies today!

Woman: (in her mind) “Pobrecito (poor guy). No longer a man.”

The Arnolfini Portrait or The Arnolfini Marraige by Jan van Eyck, 1434. NOTE: Eyck achieved “an almost reflective surface by applying layer after layer of translucent thin glazes. The intense glowing colours also help to highlight the realism, and to show the material wealth and opulence of Arnolfini’s world.”-wikipedia.org

Woman (maybe named Jeanne): “Ah, Giovanni, I am so happy that we’ve surpassed our betrothal and attained the glorious heights of marital union. What bliss!

Giovanni: “Yes, love; my sweet pomegranate! But this is our wedding day! Getting all those layers of gown outta the way is going to be half the battle. I think you wore that to torture me!”

Dog: (in his canine mind) “Good luck with that, bro.”

I hope everyone enjoyed this 2nd installment of “What if They Really Said That?!?” I will do another. Making the humorists happy and the over-serious artists and art connoisseurs mega annoyed!!

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WHAT IF THEY REALLY SAID THAT?!?: Dialogue Fun with Art…i was bored

Okay, as a serious visual artist, I have the UTMOST  respect for the complexities, beauty, history, teachings of art. But just so I can lighten up, I poke fun at it sometimes. Just being human and my ole goofy self. Have you ever wondered what the subjects within a piece of art could really be conveying? What if the dialogue (or monologue for one subject…….is there trialogue and multilogue????) was totally NOT what they were thinking or saying, but it would be funny if that were the case? Below, I offer my ideas. Have fun!!

Laocoon by Agesander, Athenodoros & Polydoros. 25 BC.

Laocoon’s son (both are his, but the one at right): Dad, why’d you have to go and piss Athena off? The Trojan horse did NOT have to be set on fire to convince ANYbodyof ANYthing!! This SUCKS!

Laocoon: This really does suck!

Son at left: Ow.

The Scream by Edvard Munch. 1893. NOTE: Did you know that there is more than one by this Norwegian artist? This is one of a series of paintings and prints. In Norwegian, Scream is “Skrik”.

(The Scream has been stolen more than once.)

Guy: Would people PLEASE stop friggin STEALING me???? AAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

Young Man Among Roses by Nicholas Hilliard. 1588.

Dapper dandy (probably the Earl of Essex): Ladies!! Ladieees (in a sexier tone)…don’t my tights just turn you on? Let’s get wanton.”

Guiseppe Baretti by Joshua Reynolds. 1773. Note: Baretti was an Italian-born English literary critic and author of two influential language-translation dictionaries. (info courtesy of Wikipedia)

Baretti: Oh dear……..glasses. They’ve been around for quite some time, now. I really must get used to this concept of remembering they exist. My eyes are kill-ing me. Wretch.

The Birth of Venus (La nascita di Venere) by Sandro Botticelli. 1486.

The guy blowing: Look, she’s pretty and all, but it’s not worth all THIS! Her on that shell are heavy as HELL! I might be a demi-god or whatever, but I don’t have the lungs for this crap!

Venus: This is a weird way to be born…but hey…I get all this supernatural first class service! Being a myth is awesome.

Well, those are my humorous musings for now. I may do another, later. Or add to this one! I hope you liked it! I hope any die-hard serious art-types don’t punch me for visual arts blasphemy… 

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